Sometimes it is easy for me to be open and present.
Sometimes it is not.
Sometimes, like recently, I even have to pull back.
All the way back.
Even further back than my wonderful community of moms could reach.
And that is a big reason why I have been so quiet as of late.
For the sake of well being and growth, I’ve been intentionally quiet and it has been for the best. I was (and still am) immersed in some personal healing and being withdrawn has been part of that process. It has allowed me to realize some things that are true for me in the healing process, some things I am sharing in the hopes that they might be true for you as well. Maybe this is a little bit of service to you.
And “maybe” is worth it.
Life is full of ups and downs, no big surprise there. We all come to many points in our lives that require a great deal of healing. That healing begins with kindness. This is the most important truth when it comes to the topic of healing.
kindness means acceptance.
kindness means forgiving.
kindness means embracing the struggle for what it is and working through it without judgement.
This is especially true when that struggle is your very own.
Those things may not feel like they can fit into a busy mom’s life. But when healing and growth have come due, then fitting in kindness and healing is not an option.
Personally, I had no choice but to stop everything in order to find the ways in which I could (and had to) show myself loving kindness as the first phase of healing. However, ideally we should be showing ourselves kindness daily so that we don’t come to a point of desperation.
If this sounds like the stage of your life that you are facing, here are a few simple ways to make personal healing a bit gentler through kindness.
the personal healing through kindness protocol:
Rest. Before you reach what feels like the end of your patience, energy, and/or motivation, find ways to rest. Cancel everything for a day or two or more. Maybe the kids could use a good movie marathon or have some sleep overs they have been meaning to schedule. Maybe book yourself an overnight at a local, fancy-as-possible hotel. Whatever this means for you, clear space in order to rest.
Without enough rest none of the rest of this will matter.
Leave your home for self care. Follow this in whatever your comfort-zone and budget dictates, but as a mom this was vital. It doesn’t matter if you are leaving for a 5-day meditation retreat or you are pouring yourself a cup of tea in your favorite travel mug and driving to the beach to get lost in a book…just leave your home and spend time with yourself.
Write a “Wish List of Self Care” and start scheduling it. If it helps you to imagine what you would tell your best girlfriend to do for improved self care, then write “her” list and keep it for yourself. Reach beyond the 5-minute dry brushing and weekly face mask. Although those are wonderful things to include in your busy life, the kindness required for healing goes beyond those practices.
My personal wish list includes solo walks in nature; massage; 1/2 day, 1-day, and 3-day retreats; time to read; time to journal; therapy; classes on topics near and dear to my heart; yoga; and more.
Go for it.
Ask for help implementing your wish list. Find babysitters, sign the kids up for classes, reach out for help and support. There are people who love you and will help you set your plan in motion.
Build up your healing community. I am blessed to have a wide and loving community of moms. It is a community I cherish and adore.
However that mom community doesn’t necessarily meet all of the needs I may have in order to heal and recover in ways that are specific and unique to me. I didn’t realize until I was in crisis that I needed to build up a community that was healing in ways that I was.
Whether you are seeking to heal from stress, mental illness, addiction, abuse, or any other path that finds you focused on personal healing, find and build that community. The degree you will lean on them will be different for everyone but it can still offer invaluable love, support and strategies for healing.
These steps are not meant to replace any professional support you might need or want but they are meant to support you in some loving, even if minor, way.
Personal healing is always possible.
It starts with kindness.